The first time I had sex, my high school boyfriend said “We don’t need to use condoms because I won’t get pregnant.” I turned around to him and went “Haven’t you heard of HIV? You silly goose! I was on holiday in Brazil and this guy I just met had promised to pull out before he came! I turned to around to him and I said “Look Fabio, that’s what the postman said to me mom, nine months later she had.. syphilis!” The other day one of my regulars told me that we didn’t need to use condoms because he was on PrEP. I looked at him and I said “Honey, PrEP is allll good but I choose condoms to look after my sexual health, just like you choose PrEP to look after yours. Now spread him you little bitch! One night in Brooklyn Park this guy said it was all good to bareback because he didn’t have any STIs. I looked and I said to him “Sorry darling, I’ve had a dozen cocks inside me since the last time I got tested. You might want to think what you can get from me!” I went on a date with this guy and he said that we didn’t need to use condoms because he was Undetectable. So I looked at him and I said, I’m so glad the treatment’s going well, but I’ve had the clap once and I don’t want to get it again! Round of applause! Last night I was in bed with your dad and he said he couldn’t afford condoms! So I looked at him and I said Oooooohhhh Daddy! You need to go to endinghiv.org.nz and they’ll send you some FOR FREE!